Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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