So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
