you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
