You just made me feel so damn special
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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