3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
