Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
