i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
