I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
