how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
