don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize