I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
being pregnant is like rehab
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
