If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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