Life is so much better after having sex.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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