I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
