my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
