If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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