We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
