remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
