Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
