I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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