she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
