What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
