party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
