were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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