3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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