those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
