oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
