this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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