You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Rumble strips road head = magical
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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