i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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