I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
