I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
