I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
