So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
