So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
