just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
