you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
