I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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