it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
