there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
