Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was confusing and full of hummus
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
