textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
