I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
