Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
