The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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