I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hippo gnu deer
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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