AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pants are for mortals
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
