i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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