Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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