You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
