I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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