i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
