I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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