There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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