I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
