mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
