I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
