it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
