So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
