I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize