This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
