dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i used baking grease as lip gloss
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
