There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
