R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
