We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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