i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize